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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 49: Beast Eats Light Fighter Tourney |  | |
Issue 49: Beast Eats Light Fighter Tourney
03-12-2007 15:16
Welcome to the 49th issue of the Procyon Herald, the most widely circulated newspaper in all of Procyon! California was witness to a remarkable display of light fighter prowess this week, as eleven light fighters gathered to do battle in the server’s first ever ‘Light Fighter Fracas’. All told, three teams took part in the festivities, featuring 4 Drakes, 3 Patriots, 2 Piranhas and 2 Daggers, but strangely no Bloodhounds.
According to witnesses, the battles became true tests of endurance as the participants flitted across each other’s targeting screens, faster than the eye could follow. As it happened, several contestants eventually ran out of fuel and were eaten by the Beast of Cortez. In the end, 3 rounds were fought, with the L(\W team – consisting of Jade, Furby and Carburetor – taking the honors. For complete details of the match-ups and the Free-for-all which followed, click here.
As the tournament unfolded, one question was asked above all others: Where were all the Rogues? No one knows for certain, but reports are beginning to filter out that the Interspace Commerce base of Newark Station was broken into at some point during the course of the tournament. The identities of the thieves remain a mystery, but the perpetrators apparently made off with several freighter loads of luxury goods. All the police were able to find at the scene of the crime were a few empty bottles of whisky and a half-smoked stogie. If you have any information which may lead to the apprehension of these criminals, please contact 1-800-Rogue-stoppers.
In other news, a new clan has entered itself into the Procyon clan registry. Calling themselves the “Freelancer Porn Stars”, these guys guarantee a good time. Members must adhere to a strict dress code of latex and leather, wear big bushy mustaches, and have raunchy, beat-heavy muzak accompany them, where-ever they go.
The FLPSs did not waste any time setting up shop here on Procyon. According to ‘The Dish’, who is acting as the clan’s spokesman and casting agent, the Porn Stars have already purchased the system of Tau 31. Apparently, the plan is to convert Holman Base into a film studio. The Procyon Herald wishes the Stars the best of luck, and sincerely hopes for the sake of all involved that the clan is successful in recruiting at least a few females.
Also new to the server are the Infinite Warriors, who fly wearing the {IW} tag. According to the clan database, the Warriors are dedicated to ensuring a fun playing environment for all, and look poorly upon activities such as taxing, pirating, smuggling and dock camping and raping. Not surprisingly, [BRIGANTINES]-CAPT’s application to join the {IW} was denied. The Warriors have purchased the border system of Kepler, where rum-punch will be served, no doubt, minus the rum.
Finally, the Avid Tokers announced the first is a series of system redistributions to be conducted according to the rules set forth in their system auction scheme. The system of Omicron Theta, previously owned by the original Mank-led Scorpions, has since been liberated from the Arch Angels and awarded to the ={MGs}=. For their own part, the mercenaries have wasted no time in re-decorating Freeport 9, adding a stage, brass poles, VIP suites and a DJ booth, in addition to slot machines, pool tables and a shooting range. The life-time free lap-dance pass for the author was a particularly nice touch!
That’s it for this edition. For the Herald, this is Ravenwood, signing off.
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| ={MG]=November on 03-12-2007 16:23:46 | | |
"={MGs}=?" Booker T* does not work with us and more's the pity.
*Wicked oldschool musical reference which completely fails to date me.
hehehehe
1,2,3,4... | | | | |
| Bane on 03-12-2007 19:13:01 | | |
Oh please.. "Rogue-stoppers"?
Show some creativity!
1-800-WE-R-L(\W | | | | |
| Bane on 03-12-2007 19:13:30 | | |
Other than that Nice article! | | | | |
| JohnConner on 03-13-2007 10:52:06 | | |
Actually, for the LF Tourney there were four teams, including two L(\W LF squads (plus De-rock). The Liberty Navy showed up en masse for the pre-Tourney festivities, called when Willard Research Station objected to all the stray hits from LF's dueling to warm up. Friendly fire isn't. | | | | |
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