|
 | Procyon Herald - Issue 48: Kill Bane! |  | |
Issue 48: Kill Bane!
03-06-2007 10:39
Welcome to the Procyon Herald. Battle watchers and other netizens of Procyon who delight in large-scale slaughter were disappointed this week when the Renegades were forced to cancel their planned attack on the Polish Mafia system of Magellan. Extreme inebriation appears to have been the culprit, as analysts discovered several empty vodka bottles in the Renegades’ clubhouse, each bearing the label “Compliments of Polish Mafia”. Does this constitute a bribe? Who’s to say? No word yet as to whether or when the attack will be resumed.
[MERC] leader Tolrick, upon hearing the news of the cancellation, re-iterated his clan was available for hire. “Can’t get your clan organized? Can’t get your shit together? Give us a call. We offer skilled pilots, 100% vodka-free, guaranteed.” Tolrick, however, was hit with a bit of competition himself this week, with the announcement of the arrival of the Mercenaries Guild, ={MG}= on Procyon. Increased competition is sure to keep prices affordable as the inevitable laws of supply and demand kick in. One can’t help but wonder if we will soon see the ={MGs}= and the [MERC]s squaring off on opposite sides of a battle…
Also new to the server, yet strangely familiar, is the (SCRP) clan. (SCRP) spokesman Angelus has announced that the (SCRP)s will pick up where the previous Scorpions had left off, promising another lawful clan to fly alongside the
WR(\ITHs and the Cobalts, but without all the drama, tyranny, and megalomania.
Bane released yet another poll this week, this time asking the question that is on everyone’s mind these days: “When you brush your teeth, do you start with the left side of your mouth, the right side, or the front?” While the answers to this question will no doubt prove fascinating, the poll nevertheless prompted the formation of the “KILL BANE!!” clan, dedicated to the eradication of poll spamming.
In other news, authorities have been called in to deal with two cases of ‘thread-theft’ this week. Both Condude and Omega Black have filed missing thread reports, alleging that thread thieves have made off with the original purposes of their respective forum threads, entitled ‘I just want to make one thing clear’ and ‘Omega Black Enterprises’. Police have since located the missing threads in a chop shop down near the river, where they were being disassembled for parts. Reverend’s Rogues are suspected.
Blackbeard was recently awarded the prestigious “Most Popular Man on Procyon” award, for his hitherto unprecedented achievement of being green with all factions. Asked who he had to blow to get in good with the Hogosha, Blackbeard smirked and, wiping his chin, replied “It’s not easy being green.”
LSF Spokesman and poet Li Bai announced this week that, due to excessive drama, controversy, and whining, the LSF would be disbanding, effectively bringing to an end their private war on drugs. Several cardamine-addicted former Alliance pilots were heard to cheer at the news, until Cobalt General Grizzly stepped in with the announcement that, in keeping with the recent trend towards roleplaying, Cobalts would henceforth be prohibited from trading in the narcotic. This prompted boos and hisses, until he promised to replace the cardamine with Gamma ganja, and there was much rejoicing.
That’s it for this edition of the Procyon Herald. This is Ravenwood, signing off.
Back to the main page | |  | |  |
| Third on 03-06-2007 11:05:28 | | |
={MG}= was there in Magellan standing beside our Polish employers. The Renegades were wise to kick back and get plastered rather than have their lives spent in the attempt to take Magellan from the Polish Mafia. Until next time. | | | | |
| Bane on 03-06-2007 12:23:01 | | |
1) I only post really, REALLY crappy threads when I'm dead tired
2) Why the hell did you have to label this article as such?
I'm starting to feel you hold some offence against me... | | | | |
| SgtWildman on 03-06-2007 23:31:43 | | |
You misspelled Offense... | | | | |
| bORNAgn on 03-07-2007 12:08:43 | | |
i didn't think that was such a bad thread.
if [i]that[/i] was rotten, i'd hate to think what they're normally like... | | | | |
| ~Tzatana~ on 03-08-2007 19:17:26 | | |
Killing Bane is easy. Getting him to stay killed is another story altogether...
Bane: "Call"
~Tzatana~ "go"
Bane: "BOOM"
~Tzatana~ "gf"
Bane: "gf, Type /ping please."
~Tzatana~: "Lol, mkay. Png is 124."
Bane: "..."
~Tzatana~ "=D" | | | | |
| Bane on 03-29-2007 19:09:54 | | |
True story.
Except the BOOM part.
...
...Prove It! | | | | |
Add your comment:
|
