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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 26: The Winds of Change |  | |
Issue 26: The Winds of Change
12-12-2006 13:24
Thanks for tuning into this mid-week issue of the Procyon Herald. Topping this week’s news, the drums of war continue to beat with the announcement of the time and date of the next battle between the Alliance and the piratical clan, the Brigantines. Round Two in this war between order and anarchy will be taking place this coming Saturday, December 16, at 9:30 pm Eastern Standard Time. The venue for this battle will be the Lane Hacker-plagued system of Magellan, the clan hive of the Killer Bees, and the source for many a smuggler’s ill-gotten gains. The Killer Bees have opted to let Alliance leader Vice Admiral Mank speak for them, and in his capacity as leader and representative, Mank has informed the Herald that his men shall be based out of the IMG base Freeport 4. Herald correspondent Ravenwood once fled to Freeport 4 after discovering that he’d knocked up the daughter of a prominent Lane Hacker at Mactan, but that’s another story…
We caught up with the barrel-chested Cobalt Grizzly as he prepared for the upcoming battle at his local gym, where we witnessed him benching 650 lbs. “Yes,” he declared, “the Brigantines aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, if you know what I mean. After the ass whooping we gave them in Omega 5, you’d have thought they’d be content to lick their wounds quietly. Instead, here we are, on the verge of having to deliver another lesson in Alliance democracy. I just hope this time they show up a little less drunk. I was so embarrassed for them last time…”
“Arrr,” the Brigantines Captain bellowed upon hearing these words. “Winnie the Pooh can think what he likes – the fact is, we fight better when we’re three sheets to the wind! I be plannin’ a celebratory party for after the battle, complete with 20 kegs of rum and another score of wenches. Nothing like a little sin and debauchery to wash down a victory on the field of battle! I plan on having that scurvy scallywag dog Mank supervise the festivities too. His head will be placed in a place of honour, atop a stake in the ground, where he’ll have a clear view of my band of pirates as we drink and whore to our hearts content! I also be wonderin’ where he plans to make his money, once we take his primary source of cardamine away from him and his cronies, arrrr…”
For his part, the Vice Admiral did not seem too perturbed. “The captain is clearly counting his chickens before they hatch. We dispatched them the last time. I plan on replicating our past success.”
Sources have informed the Herald that many Alliance convoys have been witnessed moving about Sirius during the past few days, apparently intent on building up a considerable war chest. Our sources have also reported an apparent build-up of Alliance military might and materiel in Sigma 19 and Omicron Theta. Asked to comment on this, the Admiral replied, “We are just strengthening our borders, as the political climate is rapidly changing.”
The outer systems are not the only hotspot in Sirius these days. The suave Reverend has also been busy directing his low-level miscreants in a series of hit-and-run terror operations, in and around Liberty. From his vantage point in the Buffalo Bar, the Reverend stated that, as satisfying as killing a noob is, he’d much prefer to come away from such engagements with a cargo hold full of loot. “Dead noobs don’t pay the bills,” he stated. “Violence, while at times necessary, is but the failure of Rogue diplomacy.”
It could well be, however, that violence will come looking for the Rogues, whether they like it or not. Commandant Cougar has announced the formation of the Alliance Armed Forces (tagged AAF) – a light fighter division of the Alliance whose purpose will be to scour the inner systems, freeing noobs from the Rogue menace. “The Reverend’s reign of terror is about to come to an end. My men are chomping at the bit, and death will be delivered swiftly, and without quarter.”
The MERCs, for their part, have been busy honing their PVP skills. Many witnesses have reported seeing them train in Omega 5, ostensibly in preparation for offering their assistance to the highest bidder in any given battle. We cannot confirm this, however, as their clan info is still listed as “coming soon”. (hint hint.) We really cannot complain, however, as the Scorpions have been “reworking” their clan info for almost a month now. (hint hint.)
Also new to Procyon are the Lane Hackers, another criminal organization intent on disrupting the trade lanes in and around Liberty. Originally called the Elite Rouges, it was agreed that a new name be adopted so as to avoid any confusion with the previously mentioned Rogues. It is still to be determined what role (if any) the Lane Hackers will play in the upcoming battle in Magellan. Given the past history of the principal member, it could well be that the Lane Hackers switch sides, mid-battle.
In other clan news, Procyon saw the emergence of the Green Squadron, who have declared that a new age has arrived for the morale-challenged Rheinland military. Flying exclusively Rheinland ships (Valkyries, Banshees and Falcons), the Green Squadron has declared its intention to keep Rheinland free of the low-level pirate menace that appears to have engulfed Liberty. Like the Lane Hackers, they are currently seeking recruits. If interested, talk to Frankie.
Finally, the ArchAngels have also made their debut on Procyon, claiming the heavenly system of Tau 37 as their home. With the purpose of helping new freelancers earn their spurs in the hostile space of Sirius, we wish them the best of luck.
As a final word, the Procyon Herald would like to say goodbye to a good friend – the oft-buzzed PVP guru, and master guitarist, we are, of course, referring to the Avid Toker Cheech. Having smoked the last of his tax revenues, Cheech has found himself in the unfortunate position of being unable to afford further internet service. We wish him the best of luck, and a speedy return.
That’s it for this edition of the Herald. Thanks for tuning in, and remember: If I don’t get my cut this time, there’s gonna be trouble.
Ravenwood out.
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| Crescens on 12-12-2006 14:53:18 | | |
OH SHI--- | | | | |
| Reguras on 12-12-2006 17:48:01 | | |
So I was up in Magellan, minding my own business killin' up some people with my friends when all of the sudden the Mank got mad, said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!"
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'Fresh', and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought 'Nah, forget it - Yo, homes, to Bel-Air!'
I pulled up to the house at about seven or eight, I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes, smell ya later!' I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there! To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air. | | | | |
| Admiral Mank on 12-12-2006 18:08:16 | | |
Funny Reg, real funny | | | | |
| Cobalt_Jaguar on 12-12-2006 21:58:15 | | |
You right some good stuff, were do you come up with those ideads man, anyway good job hope to read the next post :) | | | | |
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