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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 24: Cobalts, Org, Bounty Hunters and Noobs |  | |
Issue 24: Cobalts, Org, Bounty Hunters and Noobs
11-28-2006 18:02
Welcome to the Procyon Herald. Topping today’s news, sources have confirmed that the mysterious system of Omicron Beta was witness to a great battle last night. The chain of events all started when 7 Nights Org man Crescens randomly logged on to scan the stats page, whereupon he discovered several Cobalts frolicking in the murk outside the Outcast base of Ruiz. “Dumb fucks,” he thought to himself. The famous Red Button was immediately punched, summoning Fgt, Orlyon and Zyklon who emerged like enraged Ring Wraiths from the 9th Plane of Hell. Trapped and pinned to the base, Cobalts Pitbull, Monkey and Viper began to die at a dizzying pace. Monkey brains were splashed across the rough-hewn exterior of Ruiz. Pitbull was smashed repeatedly against the rocks, while Viper was forcibly tied in knots and left to asphyxiate in the cold void of space. The Cobalts put up a valiant effort, but it was not nearly enough, and after the battle, the Org reported a combined kill-to-death ratio of approximately 300 to 10. According to our sources, other Alliance fighters began to enter the fray as the battle raged on. Scorpions Furby and El Diablo, and Cobalts Grizzly, Antelope and the seldom seen Jackal. BR-88, 33comander, hash, and 7 Sins representatives Mr.Produceman and Aesthesia all made appearances. All were obliterated.
As much fun as the Org appears to have had, tensions ran high due to the words of a young Cobalt who “took it upon himself to royally piss in the Org's Cheerios via system chat”, and at one point, a state of all-out-war was declared, with the Org declaring an attack on the Cobalt home system of Chugoku. While it is yet to be confirmed, OuTcAsT leader Col_Conseco was apparently in the process of logging on to declare an attack against Magellan, taking time away from his ongoing power struggle with the Benitez crime syndicate. Before he could, however, Alliance leader Vice_Admiral_Mank and Cobalt leader Cougar entered Omicron Beta to discuss terms. Cobalt Cougar has confirmed that freedom for his men did not come cheap. According to our source, “millions of credits” were offered to avoid a war, along with a declaration that henceforth, Omicrons Alpha and Beta would be considered no-fly zones for any and all Alliance and Cobalts. According to our source, Cougar apparently went so far as to say he’d “kick any Cobalt found within them without permission from the clan.”
Speaking of murder, mayhem and destruction, the pirate clan Brigantines have apparently announced their desire to pillage and plunder the Scorpion system of Omicron Theta. While the attack was announced a couple days back, the Scorpions have yet to indicate whether they intend to defend or forfeit. We will continue following this story as events unfold.
In other news, the DCR has once again declared its intention to attack the Brigantines in Omega 5. Unfortunately, as per usual, the details of this particular attack remain shrouded in mystery. It is hoped that with the holidays now behind us, the business of killing each other can proceed amicably, and without further delay. Vice_Admiral_Mank has suggested that, if he should decide to defend Theta (which he indicates is most likely) the defense of Theta will likely coincide with the planned attack on Omega 5. According to the Admiral, he has already amassed a large force, and “the Battle of Tau-23 will look like a tea party compared to upcoming battle.”
If the Scorpions do decide to walk away from the system of Omicron Theta, they may not have long to wait until they are back in control of a 2nd system. The Procyon Multiple Listing Service indicates the Scorpions have placed an offer to purchase the much-contested system of Magellan, currently the hive of the Killer_Bees. Negotiations are ongoing.
Elsewhere, the Inner Systems have been rather busy of late. Looking rather roguish with his smoldering cigar, Reverend’s Rogues leader Reverend made the following announcement: “We captured a noob hiding in the ice clouds of California the other night. We’ve taken him into custody, and are interrogating him, shaking him down to reveal the location of the hidden noob base. Unfortunately, all he speaks is Noobish, so it’s a bit difficult to understand him. Just a lot of squeaks and whelps, really. If he doesn’t start talking soon though, we’re going to turn him over to {Rev}Naked_Pirate who has, shall we say, less savory methods of interrogation.”
Erstwhile leader of the still-born Bounty Hunters clan, Paladin, confirmed that the Bounty Hunters would be hanging up their manacles for the last time. Citing a lack of interest, a lack of contracts, and a lack of time, Paladin closed shop permanently, a mere 36 hours after announcing the clan’s arrival. “This is embarrassing,” lamented legendary Bounty Hunter Jimmy the Grip. “Can nobody do justice to the proud tradition and heritage of our order?” In shutting down the clan, Paladin ensured his name will live on in perpetuity as the shortest-lived clan in the history of Procyon. 33comander, now known as King of the Myrmidons (however the hell you spell it), looked rather smug when he heard the news. “I told you so,” he gloated. “I knew it wouldn’t last. He’s just a gay bastard.”
That’s it for this edition of the Procyon Herald. Thanks for tuning in. And never forget, this beats the straight and narrow. Hypocrites - the so-called authorities are more corrupt than we are.
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| 33comander on 11-28-2006 18:11:31 | | |
Actually I killed twice and didnt die uuntil I was dockraped after the battle. Of course crescens had the right to do this as i had shot and killed only minutes before for no reason. | | | | |
| Apotheosis on 11-28-2006 18:26:19 | | |
I'm fluent in Noob, I may be able to help Reverend out. | | | | |
| Orlyon on 11-28-2006 18:29:36 | | |
I'd say it was more like 600-700:8
Zyklon and I ended up with ~200 kills, Fgt was online before us (not sure how long) so he most likely had ~300, but at the very least as much as us. Cresc probably had around 50 as well. | | | | |
| Ispano on 11-29-2006 17:25:54 | | |
I was in the O-Beta too!!! it was a massacre but many Cobalts were able to see the sun once again. | | | | |
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