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 | Procyon Herald - Issue 8: The Immortal Blackhawk |  | |
Issue 8: The Immortal Blackhawk
10-11-2006 10:19
Well, it seems we have a new sheriff in town! Yes folks, the OuTcAsTs have officially been displaced from their status as Procyon’s most-loathed personalities. That distinction is now held exclusively by the mighty Blackhawk, of the Immortals. Interestingly, Blackhawk did not earn this distinction by being particularly feared. Rather, by being goddamned annoying. “He likes to talk smack,” suggested Alliance leader Vice Admiral Mank, “but really, when you look at it, he can’t back it up to any great degree.” “Talk?!” added Crescens. “I can’t understand a single thing he says! It’s like he’s typing in some kind of deranged lunatic code half the time.” “^____^”, added Chiyo-Chan. Even OuTcAsT Charity and PR Director, Colonel Conseco, took time out of his busy schedule reading bedtime stories to orphaned children, to comment: “I don’t like the way he bleeds on my Sabre.” Perhaps the most telling commentary of all came from Immortal spokesperson Sacrilege, who gave the blighter a rather less-than ringing endorsement when she suggested: “Please contact Death if you are wanting to go thru with maintaining a tagged presence here.”
In other news, Cheech & Chong have recently introduced themselves to the Procyon Server in a cloud of, er…smoke and controversy. Accusations of unsportsmanlike conduct have been fogging up the server forums as of late. ‘Cowardly’ use of regens, ‘unfair’ use of missiles, dockraping accusations and counter accusations, a flame war and a general level of immaturity have left the good Server Admins gasping for breath in disgusted exasperation.
The loose organization known as the Alliance continues to expand – the most recent confirmed addition being the DCR. Asked to clarify on what this Alliance actually is, ShawnCowles suggested that “You cannot be told what the Alliance is – you must see the Alliance for yourself.” This was shortly followed by a lawsuit from Warner Brothers, who alleged that the Alliance was infringing on their copyright.
In sporting news, Commander Zero of the Alliance recently made a suggestion that the server host a race. Details are still being ironed out. What route will the race take? How much will the purse be worth? Will steroids be a banned substance? And just what the heck will the damn thing be called, anyway? ‘The Tour de Procyon’ was one suggestion. Others have put forth ‘The Procyon Rally’. Still others have suggested ‘The Amazing Race’. Really, all that can be said for sure at this point is that it seems to be a well received idea, and if it ever comes to fruition, should make for a great event.
In unrelated news, Procyon was witness to a random act of kindness when Veritas of Gilead found himself on the receiving end of what can only be described as unadulterated generosity, when Khan and Vitor encountered the poor noob in the Omicron systems flying an, ahem, defender. Taking pity on the fellow, they transferred no less than 700,000 credits to the chap. One question: Where the heck were you guys when I was a noob??? Journalism ain’t exactly a lucrative career, y’know.
Finally, in Real Estate news, clan spokesperson Sparrow recently announced the DCR have sold the system of Magellan to the Killer Bees for an unprecedented 10 million credits, garnering an eye-popping profit of approximately 7 million credits. Some analysts have suggested what we are witnessing is a real estate bubble, soon to burst as buyers are scared away by soaring interest rates. Certainly, we’ve seen a drop in the number of new system starts. However, others claim that the Bees made a wise purchase, following the first three rules of good real estate speculation: Location, location, location. “Yeah,” quipped clan spokesperson Bumblebee, “she might not look like much from the outside, but we plan on renovating the bathroom and putting in a new kitchen, at which point, we expect to flip it and make some good cash.” Suggestion: if you’re looking for cash, call Khan and Vitor. The DCR have since moved out to the ‘burbs, purchasing Tau-37. Money was apparently of no concern.
That’s it for this edition of the Herald. Thanks for tuning in, and remember Freelancers, keep your sticks on the ice.
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